Two Black Girls Talk About Everything

Episode 1 Body Image

January 09, 2021 Dianne Bondy and Dee Shuttleworth Season 1 Episode 1
Two Black Girls Talk About Everything
Episode 1 Body Image
Show Notes Transcript

With the New Year, New You, trash talk starting to drop we are getting bombarded with messages about losing weight and changing our bodies. Comments like "drop the quarantine 15" fill our feed. It is time to gain a new perspective and relationship with our bodies.  This is the year to make peace with ourselves and our bodies. 

Speaker 1:

[inaudible] two black girls talking about everything, podcasts , I'm Diane and I D and we're going to be talking about every bill talking about yoga and passion and just everything black girls about ,

Speaker 2:

Hey , everybody, welcome to the podcast. Diane here, Andy and today's podcast. We're going to talk about body image. And for those of you who know me, this has been a big part of my life for the last 15 years. It's kind of where my yoga has taken me , um , making peace with our bodies. And so D and I have like a very story, kind of passed around, making peace with our bodies. And the reason we wanted to talk about this now, especially is because the new year is, is, is upon us. And we're getting a lot of messaging around new year, new you, you. Yeah. And I've been noticing a lot of this lose the quarantine weight , showing up. So I really want to dress that. And this is actually a Dee's idea to come on the podcast and talk a little bit about this. And so , uh, why don't you start, what are some of the things that come up for you when you , when you talk about body or when you look at your own body? Well, I I've recently, and I've talked to you about this. I've recently started breaking up with the scale. Hmm . That's amazing. I wouldn't even say recently it's been quite some time. Um, but I think for any women that have struggled with body images or any, any spectrum of eating disorder, they find that it's always a struggle to, you can break up with the scale, but sometimes you fall back on it. Right. So just , um , letting go of that and embracing exactly who you are at the present moment, you know, these a before and after pictures that I've been really starting to, I don't know if it's, maybe I'm more sensitive to it, but I feel like I'm seeing so much of it. And I was one of those girls. I'm not going to say I wasn't. I was a before and after girl, like I, I ran a business doing that. It was part of my business. And , um, yeah, I just, I just does not sit right with me anymore. My problem with the before and after photos is , um, at some point as, as most of us know , I don't know if you know, but this is a very clear statistic. Uh, I've been doing a lot of work around body image as it pertains to yoga and making peace with your body. We know as a culture that 98% of all diets fail. This is information that you can find , uh , through NetApp , the national eating disorders , uh, information , uh, center or through Neta , which is the American counterpart, the national eating disorders association. And that talks about how diets fail, how diets are set up to fail and blame you as a personal failing. When the system of dieting is the thing that fails. And the problem with the before and after photos, I love that you brought this up, is that at some point we become that before photo again. Cause if we're looking at that 98% failure rate, there's a good chance that you will look like that before photo again, and putting up those before and after photos, we really kind of demonize those before photos, right? We really talk about what we weren't doing properly or how we didn't like our bodies in those before photos. And when you returned to that before photo, because that's what will happen. How do you feel about yourself? It's like adding insult to injury. It becomes more of an object , more, it becomes more hurtful or more traumatizing because you put up these two photos to prove that you could overcome and I'm using quotes your body in some kind of way. And just so your know your bodies and something that you need to fix or be constantly fixing or overcome. And then , um, because of the, because of the science of dieting and it , and it , because it know it's knows to fail and you go back to being the, before picture, you feel like even a bigger failure, right? Like you weren't even able to keep the weight off. I have been losing and gaining the same hundred pounds my whole life. So I'm , you know, I'm not going to put numbers out there cause I know it can be very triggering to people who have , um , lived through an eating disorder who have survived meaning disorder or who might be in an , a disordered eating way , um, that I've spent my life being congratulated for losing weight and for glamorized. You know what I mean? When I was in the thick of my eating disorder and I was starving myself and I was in a plus sized body, we were glamorizing that. And we were , um, we were celebrating that. And if a person who was doing the exact same kind of activities in a thinner, smaller body were doing the things I was doing in a plus size body, they'd be hospitalized because it w it's, it's really a fat phobic way of looking at things. And so I have been gaining and losing that same amount of weight my entire life. And at some point you have to decide to yourself that you are worth more than what your body looks like, that that having that weight on your body doesn't make you less of a person or less lovable or less deserving or less sexier . Any of those things. These are things that have been taught to us through , uh, um, through culture, through the culture. And it's a system of oppression quite frankly,

Speaker 1:

And then allowing the scale to dictate how you feel a number, right? So stepping on the scale every single day, it's like, how do you feel when you look at that? Like you're letting a number, tell you what you're going to feel like or what you're going to think about yourself. And for myself, I have also fluctuated weight throughout my life and being at my finace

Speaker 2:

Again, being congratulated. Oh, you look so great. You look great. Um, and spending a lot of years in the fitness industry and, you know, whether I was a personal trainer or, you know, getting ready for something, I, I always felt like I had the eyes on me and having people, you know,

Speaker 1:

Graduate me, but not knowing that I was the most miserable

Speaker 2:

And the most time probably.

Speaker 1:

Right. And the most unhealthy, the most miserable, the most

Speaker 2:

Obsessed. Yeah . Um, you know, so,

Speaker 1:

And it always boggled my mind too, was having people

Speaker 2:

Like you, you know, I would lose like five pounds, let's say five pounds and then have people, all of a sudden, I was like,

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh, she looks so great over five pounds. You know, like it was like this

Speaker 2:

Such a small number. And it was like, when I look back at it, it was just so toxic. Yeah. Yeah. You know , um, yeah. Waste diet culture is so toxic. I mean, if we look at the actual definition of body image, body image is the way, and this is , um, from the NetApp , uh, the netiquette website, it's the way in which we perceive our own bodies. It's the way we assume others perceive our bodies. And it involves our perception, imagination. That's the big one for me, imagination, emotional emotions, physicals , uh , sensations of, or about our bodies, it's static and always changing. So some days you feel a certain way about your body. Other days, you might not feel as positive about your body. It's changing . It's sensitive to changes in mood, environment, and physical experience. Here's the one that's really big for me for body image. It's not based in fact , no, the image is not based. In fact, it's psychological in nature. It's influenced by self-esteem rather than actual physical attractiveness as judged by others. It's not in born, but learned. And it occurs among it occurs in the family, among our peers. And it's reinforced by society because society has created a standard of beauty. That is a moving target, right? Like body image trends change the types of bodies that we find attractive change from decade to decade and generation to generation. So if we were to look back at the fifties, the plus size, what we would can now consider a plus size body, which is actually an average sized body, a size 14, a size 16, like Marilyn Monroe was considered, you know, or , or Jane Mansfield. And I mean, these are very old references from the 15th , but that was what was considered attractive. Marilyn Monroe was a size 14 and she was a pinup girl. Right. And she was what was considered conventionally attractive. The question we have to ask ourselves again, too , is conventionally attractive to who, right. Exactly. You know , our bodies look is really very curated to a very specific , um, uh, group of people. We're looking at like a heteronormal normative cis-gender , uh , European Eurocentric idea of what beauty is. And we've seen that start to evolve. And we've seen that start to evolve with the, you know, and I'm always dogging them out, but they are a big problem. We've seen it evolve with the curve , with the Kardashians who have created a whole new body image to look at. And a lot of their body image comes from plastic surgery. So it's not a body that you can achieve naturally by your genetics. It's something that has been curated through wealth and privilege. So that's really problematic. Cause when I was growing up in the seventies, I'm 50 , uh , the big sex symbols of that time were like, they're a faucet. And um, the big TV show that everybody was watching in the seventies was either the $6 million man or the $6 million woman board Charlie's angels. And when you look at that Charlie's angels aesthetic. There's no way a little black girl is ever going to look like that in a million years. Right. It's uh, it's, it's setting you up for so much disappointment in your life. And I was going to ask you when Diane , when did this start for you? What, what age, if you could just throw out like a quick number, what age did you feel? Start to look at yourself or start to feel uncomfortable in your skin? It wasn't like a specific event, you know , uh , going to school always made me feel uncomfortable because I've always been , uh , what, what they do now , um, as Kirby and a lot of my friends cause I'm black, right? So I always had, I always had a big butt . I always had big thighs. Um, I started getting uncomfortable, probably around puberty, which started happening at around 10 or 11 for me because when my breasts came in, they came in a size D everybody else had these little cute training broads . They were going to wherever and their parents were picking out these little cute trading bonds with these little spaghetti straps. And I had the super industrial bra that my mother was wearing, like the thick straps. It had three hooks in the back and it made me so self-conscious and uncomfortable. I, you know, it's funny because now people pay to have the chest that I have. Um, but at the time it was like a nightmare. Cause nobody had, nobody had a body that looks like mine and clothes were impossible to find. So when I was in grade school , um, Roadrunner jeans were a thing and you need to have a very specific body type for Roadrunner dreams and they didn't make clothes. Um, past a size 14 when I was a kid, like that was kind of the biggest size you could get. And then if you shopped at Sirius , they had like a Husky department. Can you imagine they called it Husky. They called it Husky. So that's where your that's your pivotal or that's the beginning of this is how you're

Speaker 1:

Seeing yourself as Husky, right? It's the language.

Speaker 2:

Right. And then you, who wants to shop in the Husky and it would say on the tag, and it would say on the inside of Husky Husky, and I mean, how does that set up a self esteem for a young girl? Right. You know what I mean? I like that we're changing the language now with clothing where we're calling it extended sizing, but I do have a really big problem with this idea that specialty sizes or plus sizes. And I'm using quotations for that start at like size 12. So if you're a site it's considered a plus size , okay. The average woman in North America, the average Canadian woman is a size 16. That's the average. If you look at your friends, that's about the average, right? Um, and in the States, it's like a 16, 18, okay . That's the average size for a woman yet that's considered a plus size, a size to me and anything below like a size, I would say a size 10 and below is considered a straight size. And again, I'm putting that in quotations and most people don't fit into that. There are more people who are wearing a size 14 to size 20. Then there are wearing a size 10 to a size double zero. So shouldn't those sizes be the specialty size, seeing as less people wear those sizes and the plus size be the norm, just spit balling here because I don't understand how you come up with this sizing. I don't even know even the word plus size.

Speaker 1:

Like I am about the language.

Speaker 2:

Yeah . Um,

Speaker 1:

Well , I , I just don't even know why we have to categorize

Speaker 2:

Sizing. Nope . Like let's just, let's just, let's just put that

Speaker 1:

The sizing out there as far as numbers go. And like, when I go to the store, I just look at the number and I know like, why does it have to be like plus size section, petite section your cat you're categorizing.

Speaker 2:

Yep . Yep . Because men don't do that with their clothing. No, they don't. And then clothing is based on a waste search conference. Like when my husband and I will buy jeans from, I don't know, American Eagle or whatever. And they will look very similar. Like there'll be the same color wash and they'll have the same distress on them. And we will have a trouble like laying them out as to whose genes are whose , but he will know right away because his will have a waist measurement measurement, and mine will have an arbitrary number number . That's the other thing that bothers me because you can go and grab a size 14 from American Eagle or old Navy or the gap or whatever clothing store you're shopping at. And that size differs. It's not a standardized size, a size 14 at old Navy is different than a size 14 at American Eagle, which is different than a size 14 at the gap or wherever else you're shopping. And that is really problematic, especially if you become really attached to being a certain size, which was huge. When I was growing up, when I was growing up in the seventies anyway, there was no such thing as a double zero. That wasn't a thing. I didn't even think there was a thing as a zero. I think the smallest size you could be when I was growing up was maybe a four. And then you would start getting into children's sizing like girls 14, girls 12. I didn't see a double zero. And now that's become a really common , um, like a really common measurement or a really common clothing size is to be a double zero. And I think that's really interesting that the trending around categorizing the sizing of women's bodies continues to change and the predominant narrow it like body image is trending . So the trendy body image now is what is to have a big booty, right? We hear about in all the songs, you know, a big butt and a tiny waist. I mean, Megan, the stallion has a song out right now called body, yada yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada. Um , my friend, Amber actually sent me a voice message cause she was all upset. She goes , um, the body she's talking about is not my body. Tiny ways , big hips, big boobs. I'm just like how many people even have

Speaker 1:

Well, and that's the whole thing too, is like, you can't pick and choose where you put fat muscle, whatever. Right? Like you can't like somebody, if you want like a big butt . Well, most likely it's going to be other places, right? Your stomach, your waist, like your thighs, your thighs like that. It's just like, how is it that we think, and through these songs, they are telling us that we can like pick and choose. And it's just like, not even scientifically possible. It isn't biologically. Like it just is not possible.

Speaker 2:

And the thing that kills me is if you're going to have a big, but you're also going to have to have big thighs because

Speaker 1:

That's great . You got to hold your butt up , but up exactly right. Physics here. We're talking physics now. Oh, here we go. We're talking about right. We're talking, we're talking everything. Because if you look at a boss that makes sense.

Speaker 2:

It doesn't make sense like Beyonce or J-Lo who naturally have big bottoms. They also have big thoughts ,

Speaker 1:

Right? Because I have

Speaker 2:

To be able to carry themselves around. Right . There's a certain kind of proportion and this whole idea that body types trend and that the new narrative in the 21st century is to surgically enhance your body so that you can be part of this trend and who knows how long this trend is going to be in . So you're willing to surgically alter your body and put yourself at risk because I think one of the most popular , uh , plastic seizures , uh , plastic surgery procedures going on right now is the Brazilian butt lift, the Brazilian Butler . So I know the Kardashians have , have really popularized that, but it's also the most dangerous because we're taking fat from other parts of our body and putting it into your bottom. Well, guess what? That, that travels, and it can travel to block off your arteries and end up killing you because you want it to be stylish and a pair of jeans. Like it's just, it's very detrimental. And now that we have things like face tune on our , um, on our social media apps and you can Photoshop your social media apps, people don't know that what they're looking at is an altered image that isn't real and that your body is hundreds. If not thousands of years of evolution, right? Thousands of, years of evolution has created this body. Your ancestry has created this body and it is a custom design for you. You know, we're really in a society where having something custom is really cool. Well , you have a custom body, right. And trying to live up to a body image standard that is always evolving and changing. What is popular today may not be popular tomorrow or five years from now, but yet you've gone under the knife to try to achieve this look then what do you know what then what? And I'm always curious for those, for those people who feel, who feel they need to have , um , plastic surgery, if they ever regret doing this to live up to a certain aesthetic, that doesn't actually exist because it's a completely altered image. Exactly . And how do you, as a parent for me, I, this question for you D how do you, as a parent explain that to your son? Like, I've been trying to wedge myself between my sons and the overall , um, society or influence from society and their friends around what they should look like and what their body should look like. Because as much as there's a focus on women's bodies

Speaker 1:

Is the same, which I never realized until I had teenage boys, like my son loves working out. He loves, you know, cooking and food and like I've had him, you know, asked me things and we've always, and as much as what was going on behind the scenes with me at some point , um, while I had my family, I really try to keep things very nutritional. Like I would like to think that they never really knew what was going on behind the scenes. Um, uh, you know, very nutritional and, and not getting obsessed about things, but I've had my son actually in the last little while, like asked me like, just very specific things about food. And I'm like, don't worry about that. Yeah . Don't worry about that. Right . Have you enjoy your food? Right? Like let's not worry

Speaker 2:

About the sugar and carbohydrates and fruit. We're not going to talk about that in my answer to him. Have you ever heard of somebody becoming unhealthy eating whole natural foods? Yeah. You know, so let's not worry about that. And I'm a big fan of no food is no food has any particular value. Like, you know, you're not more morally conscious or a better person because I had a kale salad for lunch and you had pizza. I think, whatever you were feeling and whatever you want to eat, that makes you feel nourish is nourishing. And the feelings around that food of guilt is a bigger problem than actually just eating the cupcake. Now everything has energy. And that's what I believe everything has energy, everything. Exactly . And that's me. I'm going to eat the cookies, homemade cookies that I made with love yes. That you made with intention, right ? You don't eat those. Even if you keep the store-bought cookies, if you enjoy them and love them and love them, then I think they're good. And we put so much, we put so much value on food. We put so much energy and making people feel bad about eating the things that they love, that the psychological effects of that are detrimental and life long. Like I catch myself every now and again, I've been in recovery from an eating disorder for the last 16 years. And every now and again, I call her my angel, my devil, right? It's almost like if you've ever watched old cartoons, there'd be an angel on one side and a devil on the other side of your shoulder. And one would be telling you to do bad things. And the other one would be telling you it was really big and like the Flintstones , um , and the other one would tell you to do , um , things. So sometimes I'll be eating something and my eating disorder will show up. She'll say, Oh, Diane, should you be eating all of that? I don't know if he should be eating all of that. And then the other side will be my consciousness, my yoga, my awareness. My knowledge will be like, don't listen to her. She's, she's not good for you. Eat your food and enjoy it. There's no food. That's off limits. Unless you mean , unless you have an allergy or, you know, or a reaction to something, but that you should be out there enjoying your food and finding a way to be in your body. That feels good. And that, that is not constantly judgmental . I do not want to live my entire life worrying about every single calorie that I put in my mouth. That's not living. No, that's not fun. It's not living connections. And I so many connections. And as a society, it's surrounded by food. Yeah . Family and love and connections. And when you have a crappy outlook on all of that, how does that affect those relationships ? Right. I wish

Speaker 1:

That we could really focus on what is going on inside and becoming more in tune with our souls rather than what we're putting into the body. Because I really feel that once we become in tune with ourselves, we're going to be able to, whatever it is that we want to eat and feels good for us. Like you were saying, Diane is what it's going to be. Right. Just recently, I've just realized, like my stomach's not loving bread, but it's not because it's like, Oh, it's like carbohydrates . And it's just that I was making a connection that every time I would get really bloated and then the family would have to evacuate the room. Right. So I, you know, I've been trying to, and I, and I hate using the word like, Oh , eliminate get rid of restriction, restrict. I don't use that language anymore. Um, but just really being mindful of what I'm putting into my body, intuitive eating right.

Speaker 2:

Intuitive eating is a big one. And I was just reading. I follow a dietician . I follow quite a few dieticians . And quite a few of them are my friends, my one friend, the mindful dietician. Um, she, you should check out her page. Uh , Fiona Sutherland, amazing. She works with a lot of people with eating disorders. Another person that I'm currently following is dietician Anna . And she posted quite recently on her page, that lots of good stuff on her page. Uh , if you come to intuitive eating and you gain weight, that's fine. And if you come to intuitive eating and you gain weight and you lose weight, that's fine. It's intuitive, meaning , right. Your body's going to do what it needs to do. And we have been trained for so long, not to trust our hunger cues, not to trust our , not to trust our instincts, that we don't even know how to eat properly. We don't even know how to eat for joy, that we have spent a lot of time. And I've met a lot of people. I know that you've done this in the past who have done like fitness shows and have regretted doing like bodybuilding shows and fitness shows because it's really messed with their relationship with food. I first had a , uh , I experienced of that at a soccer practice. And one of the moms on the soccer team was talking to another mom who had in her past been like a figure fitness competitor. And she was like, I think she had had one of her aha moments, much like I did at 50. And she had found this image , um, somewhere and wanted to want it to , uh , you know, change your body, to look like this particular image of a fitness competitor. And she was talking to this woman who she knew had had , um, uh , unexperienced with it. And I was really, and I just was watching it cause, you know, I want to jump in with my 2 cents worth. And ,

Speaker 1:

Um,

Speaker 2:

But I was happy to see this woman say if I had it all to do all over again, I wouldn't have done it because it played a psychological number on my brain and has forever ruined my relationship with food. Like I, it, you know, like she said, she had ended up in the hospital that she had had ended up with a D eating disorder. And I think what people don't realize is diets. Um, you know, not all diets and in an eating disorder, but every eating disorder began with a diet diet. We don't know where we are on the spectrum and or how our body's going to react. And so she was sharing that with this, with this , um, with this other parent. And then I couldn't help myself cause I was listening in on the conversation. I just jumped in and I just said, you have three daughters, right? Your son's out here playing soccer with my son, but you have three daughters. And they're watching, even though you don't think they're watching what you're doing or you don't think they're listening to what you're saying, they are because kids really do learn by example, more so than you lecturing them of what they should be doing. And if you were to take this too far, how would that, how would that play with your daughter's own self sense of self worth ? Right. My mother was constantly on a diet. My mother was constantly complaining about her body, so that normalize those activities for me. So then I would just do it too , because that was what was normalized in my family. It wasn't until I got severely sick with an eating disorder that I realized that this is not normal behavior. It was sanctioned behavior because society loves it. When you lose weight, society loves those success stories. Society loves a before and after picture as we talked about, but it's not actually how we're supposed to show up in the world as humans, right? We're supposed to be elements of joy and we're supposed to be nourishing our bodies, whether that's the people we hang out with or the food that we ingest or the content or the books that we read, all of these things are part of our nourishment as a whole, but we are so singularly focused on food that it's become a national obsession and a critical problem for a lot of people.

Speaker 1:

I know that , um, I always have these examples, but I remember this one specific night, my family, we were out for dinner and I would literally, my husband ordered like this big thing of fries for everybody to share. And I remember like actually looking around, I was a trainer, like I was supposed to, and actually looking around to make sure winter's not a big city that I didn't know anyone. I enjoy French fries. People like, come on. I know. And it makes me really sad that, you know , I wasted a lot of time feeling, but I guess the big thing is is that you, through personal development, you learn, you learn, you learn, right.

Speaker 2:

I remember I was at shopper's drug Mart. So to our , our American listeners, it's like CVS or Walgreens. And I have a love affair with Toblerone chocolate. So I just to make sure at Christmas time to make sure that I get a Toblerone under the tree, I buy my own and I give it to my husband. And I say wrap and put it under the tree for me because I want to make sure I get it. Some things you just can't leave to chance, right? You can't trust your family to get you what you want for Christmas. Sometimes you just need to get it yourself. And so I remember I was standing in there trying to decide what size I wanted. Cause you know, they have the smaller sizes that you can put in your stocking and then you've got the big one. Of course the big one I was like, do I get the small one and the big one? Or do I get two big ones or do I get seven small ones? So I'm standing in the line at the toddler . I'm trying to figure it out. So I ended up picking up the biggest one. You can write like the triangles, the size of my head or whatever. And I heard someone behind me go, Ooh, like this, like I heard that. And I turned around and it was my neighbor who was in my yoga class. And she's like, you're gonna eat that. And I said, yeah, and I'm going to enjoy it. I said, there are no bad foods. Okay. There are no bad foods. It's just food. Enjoy it. Or don't enjoy it, eat it or donate it. But creating all this anxiety, drama and anguish around a chocolate bar is not good for your mental health. And she was shocked. And then she bought the same one, the milk chocolate one. I don't want the dark chocolate one. I want the milk chocolate one. Cause that's my favorite. But

Speaker 1:

These are caused by stress or stress related. Yep . So eat the Toblerone, have the stress .

Speaker 2:

Yes. Eat the cupcake, enjoy your life. And know this, your exercise regime is not punishing your body for the fact that you ate the cupcake. Let's do it .

Speaker 1:

Let we say. And it's not a ticket to eat. Yeah. Because it to you don't, you know , no , you don't earn your food . I had a friend of mine once say, she's like, I'm not a dog. I don't treat myself. I don't give myself treats. Right. Right. No , I , cause I spent a lot of years too , trying to over exercise . I overexercise for quote

Speaker 2:

Compensate. Right . For my

Speaker 1:

Bingeing. Yeah. Yeah . And it's so one extreme to the other is not healthy in my opinion. So whether you're doing one or the other, you're eating too , you're eating to exercise or exercising so you can eat

Speaker 2:

Dangerous. It's yes. And what, what I like what I'm always trying to do. And I really reframe this in the past six months or so is the idea behind joyful, mindful movement. I'm riding my spin bike. I'm running. I go to yoga class, whatever it is that I do is because it's joyful and mindful. And I like it. I have not it to an outcome. Or if I've been attached it to an outcome, it's the outcome of how do I feel when I'm done? Do I feel happy? Do I feel accomplished? Do I feel stretched? Do I feel, you know, juicy? Like these are the, this is my body. Feel a little less step . Like these are sensations that I'm connecting with my body. It is not, it's not for an outcome. It's not to seek an aesthetic. So it's really important that I think that we divorced exercise from weight loss and that, and that exercise or my opinion, I've reframed it. Joyful, mindful movement is about just that moving because it feels good. And if you're out there doing something that doesn't feel good, find something else. I teach a class while we're going into lockdown. So that's over now. But I, I, I taught a class where we would dance, where we would do jumping jacks, where we would do a little bit of Asana. It was like a hit class, but we did everything in that class. And I said, we would , we would do these short. It was called, hit yoga. And we do these little short bursts of energy. And I said, we call it hit yoga because we need a name for it to sell it. And we are doing a little bit of Austin as shapes in it. But this is really about mindful joyful movement. I know if I put that on the schedule, people will be like, I don't know what that is . What is that? Yeah , they needed, they need, they need that. So I always say that I, I it's about moving in your body. That feels good. As, as mammals, we're just moving. So sometimes I put on my favorite song and I make everybody dance and sometimes we do pushups and sometimes we do yoga and sometimes we do what ever makes our bodies feel good and we stop. If it doesn't feel good and we shift to something else that's happy. And I always get my students five or six options. You can do all of these things. We're going to go for a minute, go your own adventure, go being your body in a way that feels life affirming , go, you know what I mean? As opposed to, you know, creating these ideas that are unattainable or unnecessary or hurtful or damaging or overdoing, it

Speaker 1:

I've been all about intentional exercise. Very similar to you. Um, I was, I would always have like this strict schedule where it's like Monday was our shoulders legs , booty cat, like all the, and if it was Friday, it was like Friday was like legs. And I could not, I have let all that go because first of all is boring. Yes . A hundred percent for me anyways, I was bored. And then I would find myself, I would wake up and I'd be like, I hate leg day. So I hate Fridays now. Oh, you know, like that whole thing, like associating a day living for a day. So seeing it a day with a body part like that, I didn't actually, so me I'm like I wake up and what do I feel like today? Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Might be like going for a walk in nature,

Speaker 1:

Going for a walk, going for a run riding bike today. I did a bunch of hit, you know, and I'm not sticking to like one thing. I'm trying all these different things. So I've been living the Peloton on our bikes. I've been doing , um, an app called down dog . So it has like meditation, yoga exercise, like all these different things, just for whatever I'm feeling. So, you know, you get different instruction and I'm all about the instruction. Like being a teacher, yoga teacher, personal trainer. I love having somebody else tell me what to do. Cause you're not actually teaching the class right.

Speaker 2:

A hundred percent. And I work with the trainer on and off. And I appreciate working with a trainer because I want somebody else to tell me what to do. Cause I feel right at the top when I'm in a class. Um, and I'm teaching the class, I'm giving that instruction so that people can have their own experience. And I kinda need that for myself sometimes to roll out my mat and do a practice, but then I'm thinking about it. And maybe I'm not a hundred percent in my practice because I'm guessing about what comes next or what other things I should do or is what I'm doing balanced. But if I do an app or if I'm, you know, at some point when we get out of COVID, when we can go back to our public classes, it's kinda nice to just be in that energy and have somebody else lead you to something and just, just kind of close your eyes and be in it. Cause whenever I do a yoga class, a public yoga class, that's led by somebody else. I just close my eyes and appreciate the fact that I can move my body. And , um, back last year it's been a year already, more than a year. I took a , um, a yoga teacher training called mind body solutions with a teacher named Matthew Sanford. He is an Iyengar teacher that happens to be a paraplegic. And he was teaching us how to teach to others who have paraplegia, quadriplegia trauma, a traumatic brain injury and have limited use of their body. And it wasn't until I started to look at how we show up in our own bodies that I could fully appreciate whatever it is that my body could do and how easy it was for me to navigate the world in a body that's able , right? Like it's no big deal for me to get up, go to my car and drive to the grocery store. If you're somebody who is in a wheelchair or uses a chair that might not be that easy just to navigate around the world. And that these people who were in my class, that I was getting to practice from were appreciative of whatever their bodies could do. And that was a wonderful lesson that the way they saw themselves in the world was very different from the way that I saw them in the world or that the way that I saw myself in the world and that I started to start needed, needed to more connect with my body as a vehicle to experience life. And not as something that I constantly need to be improving or changing or tweaking like that doesn't make any sense. I want to be strong to be strong so that, you know, I had my kids a little bit later in life. So I'm going to be of those older grandparents. And I want to make sure that I'm able to run with my grandkids or pick them up or help my, my kids out if they need help. That I'm the grandma that, that can take your kid for the day. You know, that I'm well enough to do these things. And that I'm well enough to be there, to see my grandkids graduate high school or go on to college or get married because I chose to have my kids a little bit later in life. So I have to make some, you know, some substantative goals around my health so that I get to be here for longer and starving my body and over exercising my body, isn't going to make that happen. And wellness is a full circle. So wellness is just not about the physical as well, just as a physical it's about other things as well. Yeah, everything that you ingest has influenced everything. You read everything, you watch, everything you participate in is part of your wellness. And you know, taking self care for ourselves is really important. Taking downtime is really important. Hanging out with friends is really important. All of those things also nourish your body and are part of your wellness. And I want to remind you that you're going to constantly be hearing , um , messages from the media that tells you, you need to change. Or we talked about this a little bit, this new year, new you, or drop that quarantine way. That's going to start happening. I want you to face those things out because these are ways that companies and capitalism makes you feel bad about yourself, so that you will buy things that don't necessarily serve you. Everything you need resides right here in your body and your heart. And if you want to buy things, that's great, but you don't want to be in social media feeds or around people who are going to make you feel bad about the decisions you make, that make you happy, that make you feel well. And when you think about quarantine and you've got that quarantine, wait , now it's the end of 2020. What was that? How, how did that wait happened for me? Because I got the quarantine. Wait, how did that happen? A lot of good times. Exactly. I spent, I had a lot of meals, food, good drink with my family in these four walls. So much love. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So whatever, right . There's a lot. I'm happy. I mean , counter blessings, because there has been a lot of sickness in this world and a lot of insecurity in this world where people don't know where their next meal is coming from. That's right. So myself, if, if, if at the end of COVID all that happened to you is that you gained some weight. You're you're doing well. You had a place, hopefully you had access to food. Hopefully, you know, you had access to , to a lot of things that you you're alive, you're alive, you're alive. You know what I mean? These are things that we need to consider. And I love that you put that in perspective, that that quarantine wait for, for some of us comes from a place of joy, right? And we need to stop surrounding weight gain with, with that. You were like , you know, you , it's a bad thing. You know, you were lazy or you over ate or you know, all these things that , that aren't true. Bodies, actuate , that's right. Bodies fluctuate. And for me as a person who has a thyroid condition, if I start to lose weight, I have to be vigilant because something's wrong with my medication and something's gone wrong with my body. So another thing I'd like to see people stop doing is commenting on people's weight as a way to compliment them. You talked about that and you touched on it in the beginning where you talked about , um, you know, that, that, that shifted five pounds and how many people made such a big deal about it. There's so many other ways that we can celebrate each other that has nothing to do with what we post, because you have no clue what's going on behind. Like I always say, behind the scenes, do you have no clue what they're going through? Are they going through somebody sick in their family, stress, a breakup , all these different things. Like, you know, something going on with their job. You don't know what is going on and what is happening. So you want to be really conscious of that. The kind of , um, compliments I love to give is like, I always am so happy to see you. You always lift my spirits . That's how I feel about you. I'm always so happy to see you. I was looking at your , my spirit. I always have such great conversations with you, your energy lights up a room. I really like how you've done your makeup. I was following a tic talker and they were talking about why they wear makeup. And I thought this was really interesting. She was like, a lot of women will say, I don't want to wake up for men . I know I wear makeup for me. And you know what? When I get dressed up, I get dressed up and wear makeup for other women. I put it together so that I hope that they see me and maybe they get inspired to wear something they wouldn't ordinarily wear. Like, I love that. Right? When my friend was wearing these really loud tights, remember like maybe five or six years ago, super pattern tights. Like I don't see them as much anymore were really popular. And I remember thinking to myself, there's no way I can wear that. And my girlfriend said to me, anybody can wear anything. She goes, I dare you to try them on. And I tried them on and then there was no going back. Next thing I knew I was on every active wear clothing site, trying to find the loudest tights that I could find and be out in the world. I remember the first time I put them on, I went to the grocery store and I kept waiting for somebody to come up and tell me, I couldn't wear these things. Because as a plus sized woman, you're always told where black black is slimming. Like you're always wear dark colors dressed . Monochromatically right. And here I am in the loudest print. I know it's so boring. Here I am in the loudest Prince . And having people come up to me and go, Oh my God, where'd you get those pants? That was the reaction I got not like, Ooh , you shouldn't be wearing that. And we need to let go of that. And I always tell people, if you don't like something that I'm wearing, you know what you can do. You can turn your head. Nobody told me, nobody told you , you have to look at me. Right. I'm allowed to be in the world as me. And if you don't like what you see, you can turn your head. You can walk away. You can not engage. Right. So it's time. It's time for us. I think as 2021 rolls in. And I know what happens for a lot of people's people set a lot of goals and set a lot of , uh, resolutions. And you talked about this actually on your social media, what don't you share about your, your feelings on new year's resolutions?

Speaker 1:

To me, they don't make any sense. And only when you start living in a space where every day is a new day or every moment is an unrepeatable moment. So why is it all of a sudden, like, it's like December 31st and Oh, we're , it's new year's Eve. The ball's going to drop and all of a sudden I'm going to change.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. You have a list of things to do .

Speaker 1:

And they, they, most of the time they fail . Anyways, I've seen , I saw that in the fitness industry, people want to lose whatever holiday weight they want to drop to a certain. And by February it's diets fail.

Speaker 2:

Yeah . 98% of them.

Speaker 1:

And they fail by February

Speaker 2:

And they failed by design. And they blame you for your own. It's not, it's never the diet. It's always yes. And if diets actually worked, there would be one diet and everybody would be on it and everybody would be the same size. And how boring would the world be if we didn't have body diversity, like it would be so boring. And so, yeah, I don't understand the setting. These, I think it's great to set a goal for 2021. You know, your goal is to, you know, maybe , uh , do something different with your job. Maybe you were thinking about leaving your job. Maybe you were thinking about starting something new Alexa , stop starting something new, but that's fine. But having these unrealistic goals, that don't mean anything are a waste of your time. You can set an intention to maybe get outside more or drink more water or something really simple. That makes you feel good. Nothing that if you manage to fall off the wagon January 2nd, that you're not beating yourself up about, and you're not feeling less than one of the intents. And the goals that I set for myself every single day is to delete or remove people from my life that don't inspire me or lift me up. If I finish talking to somebody and I feel worse about myself after I've talked to them and they're not really, it's not really serving, or I feel really anxious or angry after I've talked to them for them to move on. And if it happens to be a family member, then it's time for me to create a little distance space and not spend as much time because sometimes you can escape your family or to actually talk to that person about their attitude, if it makes sense to do so. And that's okay. So yeah, we're not all meant to get along, right. That's right.

Speaker 1:

My husband and I, what we've been doing is around Christmas time, instead of setting new year's resolutions, we pick a word for the year. So it's a word that we always, I heard this from somebody I forget quite a few years ago. So we pick a word and that word, we've tried to revisit it every, and it's only what , it can only be one word. It can be a phrase or a sentence. It's one word. So we always revisit it through the year. And it's so funny because it's that word always tends to. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

That's kind of fun. We could invite our listeners to pick a word for there. I would love that. And you can put the word, even if you're not listening to this podcast in January or February, but you can just pick a word at any time. Right? So that's your homework for this. As we're going to start to wrap that's your homework for this is to just pick a word and revisit that word throughout the entire year and see how it shows up in your life. Hmm . That's really fun. Right? And it takes away all that pressure because it's just a word.

Speaker 1:

Cause I remember at the end of the year, sometimes I would think, Oh, what am I going to? I mean , it's just a new year's resolution. I would pick this, this set, this like ridiculous goal for yourself. That was never

Speaker 2:

Going to happen. Let's say like,

Speaker 1:

Come on. I can't even ,

Speaker 2:

I managed to set a goal, like drink eight glasses of water a day. That's even hard for me. Like I figure if I'm drinking tea enough, I'm like, okay, I'm drinking caffeine free tan for a week. Getting enough water, water. I think, I think I'm going to the bank .

Speaker 1:

I'm all about, I'm all about the water you saw my big jug. I ,

Speaker 2:

No, you're so good about that. I'm not as good about that, but yeah. So things that won't make me feel defeated. That's right. So girl. Yeah. It's getting

Speaker 1:

To be that time. I think we talked about everything we're going to

Speaker 2:

Talk about today. Okay. Thanks. So, so keeping in mind the new year, isn't a new, you, you were fabulous in 2020, you will be fabulous in 2021. So embrace who you are as always. We loved talking with you today. And if you have any ideas for the podcast, we would love to hear from you drop us a line to our social media pages. I am on Instagram at Dianne . Bondy yoga, official and D okay .

Speaker 1:

I'm at the divine intentions. D E V I N E .

Speaker 2:

Yes. And check us out. Let us know what you think about the podcast. Feel free to drop us any questions. Maybe you'd like to be a guest on the podcast. We'd love to talk to you. So until next time, we'll see you soon.